Set me free, my daughter’s constant persistence to want to walk freely with out the assistance of myself , family or her nurse has become challenging to say the least. I thought I would share a brief discussion Brittany and I had over our morning cup of coffee.

It was raining outside and Brittany knows we will likely be staying in. She was frustrated from the minute she got up. “You sound a little frustrated this morning sweetie, what’s wrong?” I asked. “I feel like a injured animal trapped in a cage”., she explained. I knew it was another repeat of the same conversation we had over and over.

She begins to explain how an injured animal gets food, shelter, groomed and plenty of toys. They roam around the cage looking for things to do and ways to get out. Most of their days are spent playing with their toys and sleeping. The only time they get fresh air is when someone opens the cage and lets them out.

“I’m tired of having to wait for some one to take me out for a walk like a dog on a leash”. ” you have no idea what it feels like”. “If I want I could just open the cage myself and there is nothing you can do. I heard it all before but even with the knowledge that she can do what she wants, why hasn’t she? I can only believe it is because she knows she is not ready.

I took a few minutes to think of what I could say to help her understand. I asked her if a wild animal had a broken leg would you set it back out in the wild before it’s leg was mended. I reminded her that a wild animal can be left alone in the house, leaving the owner time to get out and do what they love. “I am here in the cage with you”, your never left alone. I too cannot leave the cage unless someone enters to relieve me. We are in this together but only you can decide when your ready. I then reminded her that she needs to make change for change to happen. There are resources and I know several have failed her in the past but it does not mean we should not continue to seek other services and programs that may help. Fixing the brain is just as important as healing the body.

She knew I was right, she understood her limits and mine but still felt the need to push the issue. I continued to explain that one day she will be set free. Her brain is the enemy and she is the first defense. I told her that we will never know her full capabilities to heal until she makes the necessary efforts to change her life. Her illness is complicated, but if she can understand the importance of cognitive therapy maybe one day she will be set free.

She insists that most of her anxiety and depression is caused by not having her freedom. I walked her through many times when she fell due to her seizures. She explained that maybe they were caused by her anxiousness to want to walk alone. She was partially right however because she refuses to practice cognitive exercises that can help she will always struggle with thoughts, anxiety, panic attacks, which unfortunately will result in a seizure.

I also had to remind her that not only is she a fall risk but her memory and confusion is very challenging. She relies on me for her finances and memory many times will we are out. She explained that she now has a phone and can call me. I wish it was that simple. I would love to set her free however it would be irresponsible for me to over look all the areas that are setting her back and the real dangers ahead.

She is truly the only roadblock standing in her way. I understand her mental illness but at what point will she understand her capability to possibly get better and have her freedom. We still have lots of work to do but she needs the motivation and determination to get the job done.

Where do we go from here?