We were all boarding the train, excited to embark on a new Journey far from our cozy home in Edmonton Alberta. My 4 brothers dashed to the rear of the train, playfully tapping each seat they passed. “Choo, choo, all aboard!” Giggling, repeating the phrase joyfully. I stood in the aisle admiring the spacious seats, adorned in sky blue leather, the table booths and large windows offering breathtaking views.

My mother scooped me up and settled me into one of the big blue chairs, placing Sandy on my lap. I wrapped my arms around her with pride, “Don’t worry Mama, I can take care of her, I reassured, feeling a surge of excitement, knowing my four brothers were likely in for some trouble. My mother marched to the rear of the train, calling out my brothers’ names one by one. “Timmy, Pat, Lloyd and Kenny, sit in that seat right now, she instructed, gesturing towards the seats in the middle. Instantly, their attention shifted towards her voice-more urgent-and they understood she was serious about it.

Finally we were all settled in, eagerly anticipating the trains departure. I gazed up at my moms face as the flush of red gradually faded away. A voice resonated through the large speaker-it was the conductor. “Thank you for choosing Via rail. We will arrive in Ottawa, Ontario in 73 hours”. That day marked a turning point in my life that changed everything forever.

It was a long train ride and after a thousand “Are we there Yet”, the conductor finally made the announcement we had all been eagerly anticipating. We have arrived at your destination; welcome to our beautiful Capital City Ottawa”, “Thank you for choosing Via Rail.” His voice was cheerful yet weary, revealing his exhaustion and relief at finally reaching our stop. Pat crossed his arms and with a disgruntled expression, muttered, “It’s about time”. Timmy took my hand and urged, “Come on sis”. Meanwhile Lloyd and Kenny made their way down the aisle towards the exit, and my mom hurried to keep us all together. “You kids get back here right now”, her tone both stern and clear. With heads hung low we all trudged our way back towards her. All eyes on the train turned to us, many faces adorned with smiles, while the air was filled with gasps of emotions.

As we entered the station I noticed my mother staring into the distance. My heart raced and suddenly, tears began to stream down my face. “Listen Cathy, she said softly, I need you to be that big girl I saw on the train”, she knelt down to my eye level and whispered, ” “Do you see those 2 men and that woman over there?” I sniffled, wiped my tears away and braced myself for her next words. “Those are my parents and the younger gentleman is my baby brother, your Uncle Jimmy!” I looked at an elderly couple with a man who resembled my mothers age, “I promise you they will take care of us, just as I take care of you.” She then kissed my hand and clutched it tightly, and held Sandy’s in the other one.

Kenny and Lloyd instantly recognized them, “Are we staying with Grandma and Grandpa?”, Kenny asked. Before my mother had a chance to respond, Pat answered “Duh!, where did you think we were headed”. His irritation was evident. Timmy shared my curiosity; although we had heard about my mothers parents, this was our first time meeting them in person.

Timmy and I approached my grandparents with hesitation and uncertainty. My eyes were immediately drawn to my grandmother’s attire, wearing a freshly knitted white sweater that gracefully draped over her long flower patterned skirt. Her silvery-grey hair glistened in the sun and she had a pair of small round wired-framed glasses that rested low upon her nose. The only hint of make-up was her tiny lips of red. She was short and frail looking, skin pale white and relied on a crutch for support. A wave of fear washed over me, and I felt a heaviness in my body as I struggled to hold back tears. How would she be able to care for my family?

I struggled to compose myself and mustard the courage to approach her first. In an instant she reached out her arms, folding my brother and me in a warm embrace. “Oh you poor children” she wept not offering any comfort and confirming that she could not take care of us. I gulped heavily to avoid tears, my mother pulled Timmy and me away from my grandmothers grip. “Mother,” she exclaimed, “There children, your scaring them, for goodness sake”. My mother then turned to my grandfather and gently nudged Timmy and I towards him.

He confidently wore an old , tattered Fedora hat, a tweed jacket fastened all the way to the collar, and polished brown shoes. Standing an impressive 6 feet 7 inches, his posture exuded pride and assurance, making me believe that every thing would be alright. He spoke in a soothing, deep voice, Timmy and I were captivated, eagerly anticipating his next move. “I’ve got a little surprise for you”, he said, reaching into his pocket to reveal a treasure trove of green, white and red striped candies in various shapes and sizes. My eyes sparkled with delight. He gently tapped my head and introduced me to the quiet man standing beside him. “This is your Uncle Jimmy,” he said with a chuckle, “watch out for the quiet ones”. Uncle Jimmy simply gruntled and turned away, seemingly uninterested in our arrival.

We stood there unsure of what to do next, when my Uncle turned back and locked eyes with us, “Are you coming?” It was clear, he was very unhappy, “Don’t worry, I’m right behind you”! My mother shouted. As Uncle Jimmy walked ahead, the sound of his cowboy boots echoed against the pavement. He was tall like my Grandpa but his movements were slow and sluggish, and his face bore a look of discomfort. While making our way to his large bright red 50’s T-Bird, a wave of concern washed over me for my three brothers. “Mom”, I blurted out in a fluster, “Did you forget about Pat, Lloyd and Kenny?” She smiled and replied “no, but oh, It’s tempting sometimes.” I laughed feeling like a champ riding shot gun on my mothers lap.

My four brothers followed closely behind in my grandpa’s old rusted green Chevrolet. They appeared somewhat disheartened that my mother was leaving them in the care of my grandparents, but there wasn’t enough space for all of us in one vehicle. My primary concern was where our next destination would be.

We travelled down a long and bumpy dirt road for a good hour, during which my mother shed tears the whole time. She thought I was sleeping but I could hear every word she spoke. “It’s about time you left that bum”, my uncle said. “It’s the last time that man will ever see his children”, this time it’s for good”, my mother replied, “If I never see that man again it will be a blessing”. I was confused and shattered at the idea of never seeing my dad again. My stomach was in knots, I desperately wanted to speak up, but I knew this was a moment to stay silent. After listening to my mothers conversation for a while, I found it impossible not to shed silent tears. I couldn’t let her know I heard everything but I was eager to share it with my brothers.

Finally we pulled up to a large white house in the middle of no where. There was a farm across the street but no animals. The crows cawed in the distance, an old Beatle dog lay upon an old rickety step. However what captivated my attention the most was the weathered wooden rocking chair on the large deck attached to the home. I began to let my mind wonder as I envision myself rocking back and forth, petting the dog and watching the birds as they chirp happily in the morning sun. “Cathy” My daydream was abruptly interrupted by the voice of a young girl. “Who was she and how does she know my name? My dream state disappeared and my eyes were peeled on the little girl as she ran towards me.

“Hi, I’m your cousin, “Tammy”, she began talking as I gave her the whole head to toe scan. Her hair was jet black with soft curls, held by a bright yellow bow. A pin stripe skirt that matched her vest that rested neatly over a bright white blouse, and her skin so snow white soft. Her attire was appealing to me but her voice pierced my ears. I had to say something but I knew better than to be rude. “Wait, wait wait”, I quickly repeated the words before she had the chance to take her next breath. Then I stormed her with a hundred and one questions. After we took the time to know each other it was time to go in the house.

My brothers were busy unpacking the car while I held Sandy’s hand, skipping alongside Tammy toward the house. A small group of adults was eagerly walking to the car, waiting for my mother to finish directing the boys. They welcomed her with open arms and reassured her that everything was going to work out. My grandparents walk ahead, inviting every one to follow them to the house. When I first entered the home I was hit with an odor of fresh cut wood and a burning pipe. It was a calming smell that lingered through out the large spacious living room. The room was filled with outdated furniture and a enormous deer head hanging over the red brick fireplace. We were all called into the kitchen by another unfamiliar voice.

There by the doorway stood a petite, slightly pudgy women with short, wavy, cherry blond hair, wiping her hands on an apron that hung around her neck. “You all must be starving, let’s get your little ones some grub” she said with a friendly welcoming voice. I later learned that she was Tracy’s mother, my Aunt Marge. We all gathered in a pristine white enormous kitchen featuring countertops that spanned one side. In the center was a large table with a delicious mouth watering spread of sandwiches, salads, fruit and snacks ready for serving.

After filling our bellies it was time to discuss sleeping arrangements. Tammy presented a compelling case for why we should stay at her place. She mentioned her little sister Tracy, who was back at home and insisted we would have a lot more fun there. My mother agreed and for a brief moment I was excited about our sleep over, ready to dance, sing and possibly even a pillow fight. As much as I wanted to stay at my cousins place, I longed for my own bed and a new place to call home so that things can feel normal again. I was not feeling optimistic if that that day would ever come.